


Love Me Land

by localsuccubus



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Pining, Post-Dragon Age: Origins, Slow Burn, also alistair never left ??? f you bioware u should have made an option to keep him, like HEAVY pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:55:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28330491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localsuccubus/pseuds/localsuccubus
Summary: After Zevran dies at The Battle of Denerim, Ailonwy Tabris has to figure out how to move on without the love of her life while juggling her new position as Commander of the Grey in Ferelden. Luckily for her, Loghain understands her pain.
Relationships: Loghain Mac Tir/Female Tabris, Loghain Mac Tir/Female Warden, Loghain Mac Tir/Warden
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. On The Road Again

**Author's Note:**

> I was never actually planning on publishing this - but I love Ailonwy so much and I already have a lot of her story written so I decided to share it ♥

"Good morning!"

Loghain woke up with a startled yell, his instincts making him immediately reach for the sword by his bedside which was now unsheathed and pointed towards his assailant. He almost went through with the deadly thrust when he saw the smiling face of Ailonwy Tabris. 

"Maker's breath, woman! Are you trying to kill me?" he seethed, spitting fire while he sat up in his bed. He sheathed his sword and began working on slow breaths to calm his beating heart. He was too old for this.

"Of course not! If I was going to do that I would have done it at the Landsmeet!" 

He was going to make another biting remark until he was paused by the sight of the window still displaying the darkness outside. His blood began to boil again, and he ran his hand over his face in irritation, his brows so furrowed that they almost touched. “What time is it? What are you doing here? It is still dark out!"

Ailonwy huffed and rolled her eyes, flopping down beside him on the bed which Loghain did not take kindly to. She was already dressed in her shiny new Warden Commander armor that she had commissioned when she had received the title, only a few key items such as her breastplate and greaves were missing which she would require his help with. 

"I told you that we would be leaving early today, you said you were fine with it! If we get a head start we can at least make it to Hafter today and Amaranthine tomorrow,” she rolled over onto her black, her wild blonde hair splayed across the pillow, “and you know I like to get up at the crack of dawn.”

“From the looks of it, it seems more like a gap than a crack,” he replied bitterly but pulled himself out of bed. As much as he would like to argue with her, she was his Commander and he was obligated to listen to her orders. Besides, he probably wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep now. Loghain always had trouble sleeping ever since he was a young man but lately it seemed to be worse, part of it due to the new Grey Warden dreams and the other part of it was due to the consistent nightmares of failing his country. 

He gathered his clothes that he had cleaned and left on the bedside table and he was going to bark at Ailonwy to get out but he haltered when he saw her literally rolling around in his sheets. Anora, although she would never admit it, had discreetly given him special treatment when he had initially moved into the castle. She had purposefully given him the room with the bigger hearth and had purchased fur blankets made from great bears, one of the rarest and softest bears that roamed Ferelden and had ensured he had the most comfort. The sight of Ailonwy rolling in the expensive furs was almost amusing but Loghain would rather fall on his sword than admit something like that.

“What are you, a mabari? Get out so I can dress.”

Ailonwy simply ignored him, opting to snuggle into the sheets. “Creators, this feels amazing! Can we take these with us? Do you think Anora and Alistair would mind? Of course they wouldn’t mind, they’re royalty. I'm more than sure they can afford to buy more.” 

“If you want to haul those heavy furs around be my guest, I’m not helping,” he retorted, deciding his bare chest wasn’t something that Ailonwy hasn’t seen before so he opted to get dressed despite her company. 

“That’s fine,” she said, replying too quickly for his liking. 

“You’re not bringing them,” he growled, finished dressing. He walked over to her and stood over the bed, looming over her with his arms crossed, hoping that she would get the hint that it was time for them to go. 

Ailonwy pouted up at him but rolled off the bed. "Well I’m gonna go get the rest of my gear so we can suit each other up. Then maybe we can grab breakfast before we leave and a few more rations and whatever else our favorite royals would be willing to offer us.” 

The rest of their morning was spent doing just that. They had finished armoring each other up with a few perverse remarks from Ailonwy and had eaten a simple breakfast of bread and turnip and barley stew in the dining hall. By the time they were about to set off the sun was already in the sky and had shone brightly into Loghain’s room while he was packing up. 

The trek to Amaranthine wasn’t going to be a long one, Ailonwy was going to make sure of that. However, Amaranthine was to be their new base of operations and they were going to be spending a considerable amount of time there, for all Loghain knew, the rest of his life. He was lucky that when he had lost the duel that cost him everything, they were kind enough to let him keep his possessions that had resided in the castle and he decided he should take at least some of them with him. When Celia had died Loghain had emptied Gwaren and moved everything he owned, that _they_ had owned, to the castle although it really wasn’t much. He had taken one of the last cabinets that Celia had built herself, important documents that Anora as a child had drawn over (though he wasn’t upset about it), a shield that had once belonged to Rowan, and a few personal belongings such as clothes and weapons that he had commissioned. 

Loghain glanced behind him at the sword that was currently sheathed, the one that he almost used to fend off Ailonwy’s morning greeting. It was Maric’s blade, the only possession that he owned that had belonged to Maric. He couldn’t believe his eyes when Ailonwy had brought it out of Cailan’s chest at Ostagar, still gleaming and in perfect condition, somehow surviving the months locked up in a chest out of the darkspawn’s grasp. It was a beautiful dwarven sword and memories of when they had initially found it thirty years ago in the Deep Roads had come flooding in. 

“Here,” she had said, and handed him the sword, “he was your friend, right? You deserve to keep it.” 

The look on Wynne’s face had been absolutely priceless, Loghain thought she was going to keel over right then and there and the only thing he was going to do was laugh. Unfortunately, instead of dying she immediately attacked both Ailonwy and Loghain. He had already been at the receiving end of her snide remarks since they had arrived at Ostagar, but she had been furious at Ailonwy for offering the sword to Loghain.

“He lost the right to that sword when he had abandoned the King!” she had spat.

Of course Loghain had replied with a snarky, ‘well he wasn’t _my_ King,” which Wynne had not taken kindly to. 

One thing that Loghain did admire about his Commander was her ability to talk herself out of a situation. He had seen it several times during their travels together, she talked Wynne into understanding why Loghain should have the sword, she had talked merchants into giving her insane discounts, talked people into giving her more rewards for a favor she had done for them, and had even talked them out of unnecessary fights. The most impressive use of her skill was when she was able to talk Alistair out of killing him and forgiving her for sparing him. 

Loghain began to wonder about the instances where she was able to talk him into doing something for her. 

His thoughts, however, were interrupted by a knock at the door. He assumed it was probably Ailonwy, all packed and ready to go and he called for her to come in. He was surprised to see his daughter instead. 

“Anora,” he said, and abruptly stood in greeting for her. 

She was only twenty-eight years old but the stress of ruling primarily on her own and having to deal with the Blight and keeping the Bannorn in check had already taken a toll on her and Maker knows that Loghain had been the cause of some of her worries as well. Although there was no hair out of place and her gown was perfectly free of wrinkles, she looked somewhat tired and had some bags under her eyes that he was afraid would someday rival his. However, despite everything she had gone through Loghain knew that his daughter was a formidable woman that could survive any obstacle thrown at her. He loathed Alistair, the foolish brat whom she had to marry, but he hoped that he would at least be better than Cailan and help relieve her of some of her stress. 

“Father! I am so glad I was able to catch you. I had just spoken with Ailonwy, I didn’t know that the two of you were heading off so soon,” she said, closing the door behind her and making her way towards him. Although their relationship had been strained during the Blight, ever since he had survived the Joining it was like nothing had ever happened between the two of them. That was one thing that Loghain was thankful for, the fact that his daughter did not yet hate him. 

“Yes, well, as my newfound Commander likes to say ‘the early bird gets the worm’,” he said with an eye roll at the thought of Ailonwy reprimanding everyone when she would wake them up early while they were on the road, “I always reminded her, however, that the second mouse gets the cheese.” 

Anora smiled slightly at that, “and what did the Commander have to say to that?” 

“That she doesn’t like cheese, which is a bold lie, I've seen her eat it plenty of times before.” 

Anora laughed and sat herself on the bed, “your Commander is quite...”

“Odd? Obnoxious? Absurd?”

“I was going to say eccentric.” 

Loghain scoffed. "That is a light way of putting it.” 

Anora simply smiled and the two shared a comfortable silence while he finished packing. 

“You had mentioned that you had been glad to catch me when you had arrived, is there something in particular that you needed to discuss with me?” he asked, slinging his pack over his shoulder before he finished off with attaching Maric’s blade to his armor. 

Anora shook her head. "No, nothing in particular. I had just realized that this might be-” she paused and Loghain looked up from situating the sword at his daughter. She wasn’t meeting his eye and someone who didn’t know Anora would have assumed nothing was wrong from her expression but Loghain had raised her and he knew when his daughter was distraught.

“I understand that you would only be a few days away, however, you have not permanently left the castle for quite some time. I am going to try to meet with you and Ailonwy in a few days to ensure that the two of you are settling nicely at the keep. However, if I am unable to make it, I am not sure when we will next be seeing each other…” she trailed off, still not making eye contact. Anora was so much like Loghain whether she knew it or not, and she had developed her father’s penchant for being emotionally constipated.

Although he recognized that both of them had trouble expressing their feelings it didn't mean that things had changed. Loghain wanted to comfort his daughter, ensure her that they would see each other again and soon but he didn't know that and neither did she. For all that they knew this might be the last time so instead of giving her false hope or comforting her with empty words he simply sat himself next to her on the bed and placed his large hand over hers which was more than enough for Anora. 

A few minutes later the two of them emerged from his room and had left for the main hall, chatting amicably. It was going to be a fine way to depart, however, both Mac Tirs stopped when they reached the main hall, an identical grimace on both of their faces that would show anyone passing by that the two of them were related. Right in front of the entrance to the castle the King of Ferelden and Ferelden's Grey Warden Commander were...juggling?

Loghain heard Anora mutter, “Maker help us,” under her breath as she covered her face but Loghain was much more assertive with his thoughts.

“What on earth are you two idiots doing?” he barked. Loghain had become accustomed to Ailonwy’s antics after having dealt with her for two months. Alistair, however, he was still not used to and this wasn’t a very good impression he was making, acting like a fool in front of his wife, Loghain’s daughter. He had heard from Anora that Alistair was somewhat like Cailan when it came to his sense of humor and if Ailonwy was bad he didn’t want to know what a day with the two of them was like. He just couldn’t believe that it was these two dunces that saved Ferelden from a civil war and a blight. 

“Loghain! Anora! Hello!” Ailonwy greeted between breaths, her concentration still on the fruits in the air. “Alistair and I were just having a juggling contest!”

“What reason could you possibly have for having a juggling contest right now?”

“In case we both fail at our respective jobs! We both called being the jester but then we fought over who was funnier and now we’re trying to see who's more skilled.” 

“Maker help us,” Loghain muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Alistair,” Anora spoke, stepping between the two leaders a very unhappy look on her face as she peered at her husband, “weren’t you supposed to be at a meeting with Arl Gallagher?” 

That had made the King falter, his face blanched like he had seen a ghost and the fruit he had been expertly juggling had tumbled to the floor which caused his companion to cease her own juggling as well.

"Oh blasted- Anora I’m so sorry I-" he stuttered and continued to fumble with his words and the frown on Anora's face deepened until she cut him off with a loud and irritated sigh.

"Enough!" she yelled, Alistair going silent. "I shall deal with this myself." 

Anora turned to Loghain, an exasperated look on her face that she quickly covered up with a solemn one, "father, have a safe trip, and you as well Commander. I shall meet you at the keep in two days’ time. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go make amends with a snubbed Arl." 

"Anora, I- '' Alistair tried but she simply ignored her husband and strode passed him. Alistair panicked and he looked rapidly between Anora and Ailonwy as if he were trying to decide something. He then stopped and gave Ailonwy a pleading look, "Sorry to cut this short, Ailonwy. I think I'll be seeing you? I'm not sure. But have a safe trip." 

Ailonwy smiled and thanked him and Loghain thought he was going to end it with that, but Alistair decided to address Loghain as well. "And you, if you harm her I swear I'll-" 

"You'll what? Kill me? Go ahead," Loghain said evenly. "Spare me your foolish threat, boy. You have upset my daughter and if you don't start being a proper King and husband then you might have to kill me before I end up killing you." 

Alistair looked like he wanted to keep going, the anger burned into his skin, but instead he turned and stalked after his wife. 

Loghain and Ailonwy stood there in uncomfortable silence before Ailonwy cleared her throat and bent down to pick up the fruit that had fallen on the floor. 

"Well, that was eventful," she said while putting the fruit back in their proper place in a nearby ceramic bowl.

"Indeed," Loghain said wryly. "Come, we must be off before we waste any more daylight." 

Ailonwy nodded at his suggestion and whistled for Pooka to follow. He had been napping by the hearth in the entrance hall and his brown ears perked up at the sound of Ailonwy's whistle. He immediately jumped up, full of energy and he came bounding towards them, excited to see both Loghain and Ailonwy. Loghain couldn’t help but let the side of his lips quirk up. He had to admit he had grown attached to her mabari, he had always respected dogs just like a true Ferelden but Pooka was different. Even though he belonged to Ailonwy, Loghain cared for him like he was his own. 

Pooka trotted to Ailonwy, receiving affectionate praise while she rubbed his ears and his head before he headed over to Loghain who scratched him warmly behind the ears. He was such a spoiled dog. 

They were about to head out the castle's entrance when Ailonwy abruptly stopped without warning, causing Loghain to crash into her and she would have flown forward if he hadn't reached out to grab her in time. 

"Are you daft?" he growled and let go of her arm. Ailonwy didn't seem to mind the insult and instead she told him she would be back and ran back deep into the castle. Loghain sighed and glanced down at Pooka who was excitedly panting by his side, not perturbed by his owner's sudden take off. At least one of his companions was going to have some sense.

She emerged a few minutes later, a bright smile on her face that made his heart jump, but he quickly ignored it. 

"Sorry, I almost forgot something important!"

"Your sanity?" he quipped, an eyebrow raised. 

Ailonwy simply smiled at him, her eyes flashing, and he would have faltered if he wasn't used to it by now. "Yup, along with your ability to make good strategic decisions," she said with a cheeky grin, walking out of the castle, Pooka trailing close behind. 

Loghain scoffed but a slight smirk graced his lips as he followed her, "Well done Commander, I haven't heard that before." 

Loghain was afraid that traveling alone with Ailonwy was going to be awkward but it was quite the opposite. When the Post Coronation was over all their companions had gone their separate ways.

Wynne went back to the circle which Loghain was very thankful for, Leliana decided to travel back to Orlais which Loghain was also very thankful for, Sten had sailed off to Par Vollen, and only the Maker knew where Morrigan had gone. When he had traveled with the group for a short time, he wasn't one for camaraderie and had kept to himself. He was surprised, however, over the fact that there wasn't much hostility towards him. Ailonwy and indefinitely Alistair must have slandered his name and branded him as a traitor and a tyrant to the others but the only one who showed him true malice was Wynne and Loghain chalked that up to blind devotion to a foolish King. 

However, even though his travels with them had been relatively peaceful, Ailonwy had already built a solid friendship with the rest of their companions. Even Sten and Morrigan who were arguably just as cold as him welcomed her company. Ailonwy had preferred to spend time with her friends, _with Zevran_ , and not with the grouchy new comrade who had been trying to kill her for the past year. He didn't know how she did it, how she was able to bring so many different people from different walks of life together to work towards a common cause but he suspected it was due to how unbelievably impartial she was. Morrigan wanted her to kill her mother? So be it. Leliana wanted to hunt down her Orlesian bard mentor? Sure. Oghren wanted to rekindle with an old flame after Ailonwy had killed his wife?

Well, he supposed Ailonwy owed him that one.

The point being, however, is that Ailonwy had no qualms with whatever her companions asked of her and she never judged their character despite their many many flaws.

Loghain assumed that was why she was so willing to befriend him or at least include him. He had been ready to receive her malice, it was hard to insult a man like Loghain when whatever insult you threw at him was something he had already told himself many times over. However she didn't insult him, she hadn't called him a monster or told him he should have died during the Joining or even say that he was under her control, all of which he had braced himself for. Instead, she treated him like an ally, as a friend, she opted to put their differences aside and their wrongdoings, _his wrongdoings_ , in the past and work together as true comrades. 

Although he decided to give Ailonwy a chance and she with him, the two had never gotten close. He came to respect her; she had earned it after all. Even though they had only spent two months together he saw just how strong she was, both in and out of battle. She really was the perfect choice to take over the Grey Wardens although she gave him pause about it sometimes. Despite having his respect, the two of them only occasionally interacted and they were hardly alone together. 

So, he assumed this trek to Amaranthine would be a new experience for them but Ailonwy had welcomed it with open arms just like she had done when he had initially joined her group. She was a talkative one and even though Loghain had little to no response she didn't seem to mind and continued to speak amicably about anything and everything. 

When she wasn't chatting his ear off they were fighting darkspawn, whatever was left of them, Ailonwy had made a suggestion after the third group that they had encountered that once they’ve settled things in Amaranthine they should travel around Ferelden, clearing the remaining darkspawn. They also faced vicious wildlife along the way and even a few highwaymen and stopped for breaks so they could eat, drink water, and gain their bearings. Pooka also welcomed their breaks because it was then that Loghain would sneak him some of his food although Loghain was sure that Ailonwy knew exactly what he was doing. 

The sun was setting when they had reached Haftkelt, a small town in Hafter but Ailonwy had been overjoyed over the fact that they had made it to their destination in time. 

“Well isn’t this the cutest little village, it reminds me of Lothering! Well, before it was overrun by darkspawn,” she said with a curious smile as they wandered through. It was expected that they would be stared at, the two of them armed to the bone and clad in their imposing Grey Warden armor but it was mostly looks of awe and wonder instead of scrutiny. Loghain was sure that by now all of Ferelden must have heard of the Grey Wardens and their victory in ending the fifth blight. 

“You’ve never been to Hafter?” he asked, siding up next to the girl who was walking very eagerly that she even managed to outpace him. 

“Nope! We didn’t really need to travel north and when we did it was to Haven and Orzammar, all the way on the other side of the country.” 

Loghain merely responded with a noncommittal noise. From the way that Howe had put it, he had made it seem like Ailonwy and her band of misfits had been up and down Ferelden spreading their lies, trying to poison the mind of everyone they had crossed. Loghain had been everywhere and almost everyone knew what the Teyrn of Gwaren looked like. He remembered he went on a three-month campaign around Ferelden with Maric and Rowan when they had taken back the throne. Maric wanted to see the damages that Orlais had done to their country and see if there was anything, he could do to fix it. He also wanted to let the people know that the Theirin bloodline had reclaimed the throne and that they no longer had to fear the Orlesian usurpers. 

The two decided to end their day at an inn and found themselves at the only one in the village called The Groom & Stirge, Ailonwy paled at the name.

“You don’t think there’s stirges around here?” she asked Loghain, a very concerned look on her face that made her seem like a frightened child and Loghain nearly laughed at it.

“No _Commander_ ,” he said, his mouth threatening to break out into a grin, “there are no stirges in Hafter. Nor in Ferelden.” 

“I trust you,” she replied, giving him a serious look before she opened the door to the inn, heading inside. 

Loghain chuckled and followed her, “a poor decision, really.” 

The Groom & Stirge looked like any other inn, it was dimly lit, wooden walls, wooden floors, and wooden chairs and tables. A few Ferelden tapestries hung from the walls, some of mabaris and some of famous heroes from Ferelden legends. It was cramped, filled to the brim with patrons and he assumed that most of them were the villagers that lived in Haftkelt who had come to the inn for a drink and their supper. Loghain spotted a few hired swords, you could easily tell who were mercenaries because they always wore their weapons strapped to them and their gear was typically hardened leathers or splintmail armor sets. It was nothing fancy but definitely something that could last you in dozens of fights. There was also a minstrel in the back, playing a soothing tune with his lute that flowed throughout the inn. 

“Ugh,” Ailonwy spoke, her nose wrinkling as a deep frown etched her face, “it’s busy! We came at the worst possible time.”

Ailonwy turned on her heel and her wild blonde hair flew as she put her hands on her hips, looking up at Loghain, “okay I have a plan! I go to the bar to get us a room and some supper and you go find us a table.” 

“Fine,” Loghain glowered, grabbing her pack from her, “but only if you promise not to get that terrible dish you had gotten us the last time we were at an inn.”

Ailonwy’s mouth dropped but Loghain could tell it was in faux shock, “you didn’t like the crab cakes? It was an Ativan delicacy! I thought they were pretty good; I was surprised Ferelden even had it at all.”

“Well Antiva can keep their crab cakes,” he grumbled and walked away before Ailonwy could make more of an argument for it. 

Loghain weaved his way through the mix that was mainly farmers, templars, and mercenaries, dodging the hurried barmaids who were expertly carrying a variety of dishes and ale on a platter. Ailonwy was right, it was busy and even though Loghain hated crowds, especially rowdy and noisy crowds, he couldn’t help but give a very small smile. During the Blight, the inns and taverns they had stopped at were always desolate, people were often too afraid to leave their homes.

He remembered when Ailonwy had taken them past Lothering on their way to Redcliffe after they had revisited Ostagar. It was in absolute shambles; the houses were burned, and the only thing even signified that they had once been houses were the broken furniture that had barely made it. The Chantry was absolutely destroyed, there was broken glass everywhere, the remnants of the beautiful stained glass art that had once been there and the large doors with the Andrastian symbol had been broken at the hinges and laid right there at the entrance. What truly made it all a terrible sight was the dead bodies everywhere. The darkspawn did not discriminate, and it was clearly obvious. Loghain had overheard Leliana praying that no one had gotten taken and the looks on everyone else’s faces was a clear indicator that being taken by darkspawn was a fate worse than the death those people had suffered there. 

So even though Loghain didn’t like the boisterous company, he would much rather have that than a looming threat that scared an entire nation. 

“ _Even if that means that we would have to take our meal to the stables_ ,” he thought wryly as he still had no luck finding them a table. They really did come at the worst possible time. 

Eventually through his wandering he spotted two templars leaving their table and he quickly swiped it up. It had been close to the bar and Loghain had noticed that Ailonwy was almost to the counter, having had waited in quite a line to request a room. He supposed that was because people could freely travel now with at least no threat of darkspawn. He was able to take a seat, feeling grateful to finally be able to sit down but he immediately froze when he heard someone call out. 

“Get out of my inn, knife ear! We don’t serve yer kind here!” 

Loghain’s head whipped around so fast that if it weren’t securely attached to his body it would have flown right off. He spotted Ailonwy and although he couldn’t see her face, he could tell that she was seething with anger, her fists were clenched tight and the tips of her long ears were bright red. The middle-aged burly man behind the counter gave her a dirty glare, his hands still wiping clean a tankard. Loghain knew that Ailonwy was going to unleash her anger upon him but something in Loghain snapped and he found himself standing beside her in an instant. 

“Would you like to repeat that?” he asked. Ailonwy jumped at Loghain’s sudden appearance, her brown eyes wide. He got a good look at her face that was flushed with fury, but she seemed to be more overcome with shock now that she returned to her normal color. The bartender, however, had blanched and he almost dropped the tankard in surprise. A hush fell over the entire inn, everyone’s attention now on the two Grey Wardens. 

“T-Teyrn Loghain! My apologies, I didn’t know that you were h-here!” the man stuttered and Loghain could have sworn he could hear the bartender’s heart beating in his chest. 

“I am no longer a Teyrn,” he said with a low and dangerous tone, “however, the woman beside me _is_ the Commander of Ferelden’s Grey Wardens, and I'm sure someone _of her kind_ would have no problem with getting rid of someone like you.” 

“Sh-She’s the- the Hero of- I apologize! I had no idea! I didn’t think-” he said, suddenly bowing. At the mention of the Hero the inn suddenly burst into a quiet roar, people whispering and looking in awe at Ailonwy.

“No, you didn’t,” Loghain responded tersely. 

“Please! Accept my humble apologies, I didn’t mean-”

Ailonwy cut him off with a wave of her hand, her eyes glinting mischievously, “well as they say, my good ser, actions speak louder than words.” 

Loghain rolled his eyes, of course Ailonwy was going to try to get free things out of this. It seemed to work, however, as the innkeeper immediately nodded his head. “Yes, of course, Ser! What is it that you require?”

“A room and a hot meal for the ol’ Teyrn and I. I think that would be enough for me to think about excusing this discretion. Oh! And a meal for my mabari as well.” 

Loghain paused. A room? Was she planning on sharing? He was about to open his mouth to request another but as if she was some sort of seer she had cut him off, “anyways, my companion and I are tired so we would like to retire now. Show us to our room and send the meal up.” 

The innkeeper nodded and motioned to one of the barmaids who, like the rest of the inn, had been watching the scene intensely. “Editha, escort the Teyrn and the Hero of Ferelden to their room!”

Editha, who had been carrying a tray full of ale immediately threw it down on the nearest table with a “yes ser!” as she rushed over to them. She was a pretty young woman with dark golden-brown hair, green eyes, and a sprinkle of freckles on her face.

“This way,” she said, motioning to the stairs with a smile and the two immediately followed her, both wanting to get away from the prying eyes. 

“I’m sorry about Clifford’s big dumb mouth, he really is a kind man,” Editha spoke while she led them through the hallway filled with rooms, “We don’t get much elves around here and when we do it’s the Dalish and we’ve had some run-ins with them that have left a bad impression on most folks here.” 

“Yes, well, I’ve had my share of ‘run-ins’ with humans and I don’t treat them as such,” Ailonwy replied in a tone so serious that it surprised Loghain. Ailonwy was rarely serious, you could be insulting her to her face, and she would simply laugh it off so the situation with the innkeeper must have deeply perturbed her. While he has been in her company, he’s heard Ailonwy called ‘knife-ear’ quite a few times but it was always by their foes, people that they were already planning on killing. It was different coming from someone she, technically shouldn’t, stab with her blade. 

Loghain could tell that Editha had taken in Ailonwy’s words into consideration and she was quiet for the rest of the way.

“Here you two are, I’ll be back in a bit with the food,” Editha said with a smile, opening the door to their room. Pooka immediately barged past her, his tongue out in excitement as he flopped onto the bed. Ailonwy followed in hot pursuit, flopping onto the bed as well to snuggle her mabari. Loghain sighed at the sight and gave Editha a small nod of thanks which the barmaid responded with a flirty smile and a wink before she walked back from where they had come from.

Loghain blinked and closed the door behind him, thoroughly confused. That only lasted a few minutes, however, as he wearily eyed his Commander who was now trying to take off whatever pieces of armor she could. 

“Stop before you hurt yourself,” he snapped and walked over to her.

Ailonwy pouted but nonetheless relented and she let him help her out of her armor until she was clad in the plain white linen shirt and black pants that she wore underneath. When she was done she helped him with his and soon two found themselves relaxing by the hearth. Editha returned later with their food, two hot shepherd’s pie, an entire loaf of bread, a huge piece of mutton for Pooka, and a few Ferelden cheeses which Ailonwy pouted when he wouldn’t share them since she apparently ‘didn’t like cheese’. He did relent later, however. 

It was when they were almost finished eating that Loghain decided to address the bed situation. Ailonwy had been nibbling on a piece of cheese, attentively scanning and marking their map with the path they had traveled and what path they were going to take tomorrow. 

Loghain placed down his fork on the now empty plate, his pale blue eyes staring intently at her, “why did you only ask for one room?”

Ailonwy immediately responded, not looking up from her scribbling, “because I didn’t think we needed two?” she stopped suddenly and looked up at him, a deceivingly innocent smile on her face. 

“Why, Teyrn? Are you nervous about sharing the bed?”

Loghain met her gaze with an icy glare but he didn’t respond. In truth he was somewhat nervous. He didn’t understand why he was feeling this way, he had slept with Ailonwy for Maker’s sake and the two have even talked about it. However, there was just something particularly intimate about sharing a bed and the thought of it had affected him in a way that he couldn’t put into words. He just kept thinking about how he would be on the bed, she would be on the bed, and they would be so close. So close that he could just roll over and- 

Loghain frowned to himself. It reminded him of the night at Ostagar and he swore he would never think about that night ever again. Ailonwy was his Commander now, his fellow Grey Warden, they had to build a proper relationship and he wasn’t going to muddle it with unnecessary trysts. No matter how many times Ailonwy had insinuated they could do it again. Besides, she had just gotten out of a relationship, and not by her choice. There was no doubt in his mind that she was still grieving over Zevran and although Ailonwy could be a flirt there was no way she was ready to start sleeping with people again. 

Ailonwy burst into a fit of giggles, her hair shaking with her and Loghain snapped out of his thoughts, his eyes lit with surprise. 

“You’re so funny, so serious. Relax Loghain, it’ll be fine. I’ll stay on my side of the bed and you stay on yours. I won’t do anything to taint your precious maidenhood,” she said with a wink and she turned her attention back to the map like nothing had happened. 

Loghain shook his head and scowled but he took her word for it. 

True to her word, a few hours later he found himself lying next to Ailonwy, the two of them under the shared blanket. He could feel the body heat radiating off her and he supposed that was the reason why he was feeling so warm. Loghain found himself being quite stiff, trying to keep the few inches of space between them but Ailonwy laid on the bed like it was her own, her arms across the pillow and her legs spread- 

He shouldn’t be thinking about her legs spread. 

He heard her say something and he almost jumped, thinking that he had spoken his thoughts aloud. His heart was pounding in his chest but when Ailonwy didn’t continue he prompted her with a “did you say something?” 

“I said thank you,” she responded quietly in the darkness, “for earlier.” 

Loghain turned to face her but her back was facing towards him, she looked just as stiff as he was. He wanted to ask for what for, but he knew exactly what she was talking about. With a huff he laid back down and stared at the ceiling.

“Think nothing of it,” he said tersely. 

Loghain didn’t have a problem with elves, however, nor has he been an advocate for them. He had relied on them during the rebellion, his guerilla squad, the Night Elves, were key to winning a lot of battles and arguably without them Ferelden might not have been free today. However, after they had reclaimed the throne most of the Night Elves had died during the rebellion and Loghain suddenly had other pressing matters he needed to attend to. They all did. However, being with Ailonwy he noticed that elves experienced more prejudice than he would have thought. Well, at least care to think of. He knew they faced discrimination, but he supposed he was too busy wrapped up in his own troubles to recognize those of the elves. 

Loghain glanced at Ailonwy who seemed like she was already asleep. For a split second he debated on asking her about it, about the problems she had encountered by being an elf, about what other discrimination she had faced and how she handled and coped with it. However, he immediately kicked that notion out of his head. He wasn’t going to ask her about anything because getting to know people meant getting close to them and he was not going to get close to Ailonwy.

He had hoped that when she had won the duel at the Landsmeet that she was going to end it in. Truthfully, he probably could have won. Ailonwy was strong but she was a rogue on a one-on-one duel with a man who had years and years of fighting experience. He had fought his way out of many places, places that most people would have died. Ailonwy was skilled, but he knew that if he had truly put everything, he had into that battle she might not have won. 

However, he didn’t. When the Landsmeet was over and everyone had sided with her and her Grey Wardens he knew he had lost, but when he saw that Anora, his own daughter, had taken her side as well he knew he had been utterly defeated. He wanted Ailonwy to beat him, wanted her to sacrifice him, maybe then he could have atoned for his actions. Yet she didn’t. Riordan had barged in, made a case to have him conscripted and Ailonwy had agreed just like that. 

He hated her at first, absolutely loathed her for keeping him alive. He then realized that he could also atone by becoming a Grey Warden, fighting for his country once again. Then she decided to be friendly and a good leader and a good fighter and had earned his respect, but that was as far as he was going to take it. 

Ailonwy was going to be nothing else to him, just his Commander and he would rather die before he crossed any line. 

Ailonwy suddenly jumped, and rushed out of the bed, effectively startling him.

“Maker’s breath! What are you doing?” he seethed in the dark. The dim light of the fireplace being the only thing illuminating the room. He could barely make out her form that was currently rummaging through her pack. What she pulled out of it had garnered a reaction of him.

_She brought the bloody furs!_

“Ailonwy!” he hissed as she happily walked back to the bed, the great bear blanket almost covering her form. When they had went to bed she opted to discarding her pants and Loghain looked away from her long and exposed legs. 

“What?” she asked innocently as she clamored back into the bed, neatly spreading the blanket over the both of them as if sharing it with him was supposed to make him feel better about her stealing from the castle. Stealing from Anora. _Stealing from him._

“I’m cold," she said so sweetly, ignoring the fact that she had purposely disobeyed him.

“Permission to speak freely.” 

Ailonwy blinked at him, and he could tell she was confused, he had never asked her that before.

“Permission granted?” she said with a tilt of her head, her blonde curls illuminated by the firelight. 

“If you weren’t my bloody Commander, Maker help me, I would have strung you up by now over your precious elven tree in your bloody Alienage for everyone to see! I would-”

“Permission ungranted!” she squeaked, flailing her hands around for him to stop.

Loghain groaned, and unceremoniously laid his head back down on the pillow. He wasn’t sure how he was going to do it but he would have to survive years dealing with this mess of a Commander.

‘ _If I'm lucky, the Calling will come early._ ’ 


	2. Honey Toast

“You do too.”

“I do not!”

“Yes! You do!” Ailonwy giggled.

“No, I do not,” Loghain repeated with emphasis on every word.

It was midday when Ailonwy and Loghain neared Vigil’s Keep. It was located on the very outskirts of Amaranthine, effectively cutting their travel time from yesterday in half. For the most part, their trip had been an uneventful one. The only trouble they ran into was a group of darkspawn and with their excellent teamwork, they were able to finish them off quickly. From the path that they were walking Loghain could see Vigil’s Keep in the distance, its impressive high towers looming over the Waking Sea.

He wasn’t sure whether he was excited or not to finally arrive at their new base. On one hand, it was going to be nice to settle somewhere for a while. Their main efforts were going to be building Ferelden’s Grey Warden order which Loghain knew he was more than capable of doing. He’s trained squadrons and armies from the most experienced soldier to the average farmer who had never picked up a weapon in their entire life. He wasn’t sure how many new recruits they would be getting but nonetheless, he was content with doing something familiar for at least a few months. 

However, he was not looking forward to whatever politics might arise from owning an entire arling. To be fair, it was Ailonwy that owned Amaranthine, but he knew she was going to be seeking his advice since he used to be a Teyrn and had far more expertise in politics than she did. Still, that didn’t mean that he would like it. 

“Yes, you do, Loghain! You hog all the blankets! I woke up in the middle of the night, absolutely freezing because you took both the sheet and the furs!” she was laughing, which didn’t match the so-called angry tone she was trying to give him.

Loghain huffed, trying to keep his composure but it was hard trying to look broody when you were discussing your own ridiculous sleeping habits and his lips quirked up slightly. “I still do not believe you.”

Ailonwy rolled her eyes but a smile still sat plainly on her face. Her curly hair was up in her infamous bun, as she liked to call it, although Loghain referred to it as her bird's nest and despite insisting that he had interrupted her sleep she looked more chipper than ever. He hadn’t seen her with this much energy and liveliness since- 

Since before Zevran had died.

Pooka had also been especially happy this morning and trotted between the two of them, acting as some kind of barrier that separated them but Loghain knew that the mabari simply did this to get affectionate pats from both parties.

“Well,” she spoke while swinging her arms, a pep in her step. "Next time we’ll just have to get separate blankets.”

Loghain almost paused his steps but he knew better than to betray any sort of emotion. However, the thought gnawed at him in the back of his mind as he reflected over her words. Next time?

They were interrupted by the sound of running and the two of them immediately turned their attention to the path in front of them. It wasn’t darkspawn, since they would have sensed them immediately, but a small group of people completely armed to the brim. Loghain immediately assumed they were highwaymen and Ailonwy must have had the same thought because without hesitation the two Grey Wardens drew their weapons and readied their stances.

As the group got closer, Loghain’s eyes widened as he recognized the deep blue that was Grey Warden colors, these were fellow Grey Wardens. 

“Maker’s breath! Is that you Commander? And you as well, Teyrn Loghain?” It was a woman who had been leading the group, her face was mostly hidden underneath a helmet but Loghain could make out concerned blue eyes, a few wisps of black hair, and a hard frown.

“Hello!” Ailonwy greeted, a huge smile breaking out on her face as she sheathed her weapons, Loghain did the same but he was still wary about the newcomers.

“Where’s the fire?” she asked, surveying them. The woman seemed entirely out of breath and so did her companions and from the path they had come from, Loghain deduced that they had indeed come from Vigil’s Keep.

“Commander please, come quick! You need to help us, there’s no time to explain!” the woman pleaded, motioning them to follow. The other soldiers were just as eager as well, ready to get back to whatever it was that was troubling them.

Ailonwy grinned and went to follow her, but Loghain could simply tell by the way she walked and the very slight tension in her body that she didn’t completely trust them either. “You know, the last time someone said that to me it turned out to be an assassination attempt.”

Loghain coughed and looked away. It had been his hired assassination attempt.

“It was wh- no, Commander! There’s darkspawn! So many of them, they’ve taken over the keep! One of them was talking and the Seneschal sent me to find help!”

That had gotten their attention. 

\-----------------------

Loghain plunged his sword into the shriek, the creature making the high pitched noise as it’s name suggested. He was about to kick it off his blade when Ailonwy came rushing by, doing it for him before she quickly turned her attention towards an incoming genlock. 

She let out a cry as she brought up her daggers over her head before she pierced the genlock on both sides of its collarbone, she quickly withdrew her daggers and watched for a brief moment as the genlock cried out, blood flowing out of it as it fell onto the floor. She whipped her head and quickly changed targets, heading for the hurlock alpha, the last remaining darkspawn. Loghain would have been impressed if he hadn't been fighting with Ailonwy for a while now. She was a rogue, they were required to be strong and fast, aiming for the enemies weak spots. However, being a rogue meant there was also no room for error, despite their many pros their cons was that in truth they were susceptibly weak. Ailonwy was not able to take much damage and keep going so she always had to have her wits about her. 

Loghain hoisted his shield up, placed firmly against his side as he charged towards the hurlock alpha with his sword tight in his grip. Ailonwy had landed a few blows, throwing the creature off guard as it tried to regain control of its long and heavy double axe. Loghain used this momentary weakness to his advantage and he drove his blade to its armored side, Maric's dwarven sword brilliantly shining as it successfully impaled the creature. The battleaxe fell from its hand and Ailonwy had the pleasure of kicking the darkspawn off his blade once more. 

The two were panting heavy, their brows furrowed as they came down from the high one always gets from the heat of battle. They heard someone coming up to them and they both whirled but it had only been the woman who had led them here. 

"By the Maker, you two are impressive," she breathed looking at them and the pile of darkspawn surrounding them. She and the other soldiers had taken care of some on the side but if they were competing for points Team Loghainwy would be winning. 

"Thank you! I do try," Ailonwy said, smiling dazzlingly and if she wasn't bloody and had had her hair down she probably would have tossed it over her shoulder. "By the way, nice sword work as well! You're not just some fancy armored guide." 

"Forgive my rudeness, Commander!" the woman shouted with panic and she immediately bowed. "I thought introductions were to be made when you had arrived at the keep but fate had something else in mind." 

"My name is Mhairi, I am one of your new recruits. Before I joined I was a knight in the King’s service and I had been there at Ostagar," she said, flashing Loghain a look to which he had scoffed at. 

He really didn’t understand it. The passion that Maric had inspired in others was something to be admired, he was someone that you would be willing to lay your life down for with no questions simply because he asked. Cailan, on the other hand, was nothing like his father. He was young and foolish and filled with fantasies that he placed himself in the middle of. He was an idiot and the fact that no one else could see that simply because he was the King absolutely baffled him. 

"It is always nice to meet a fan," Loghain spoke, goading her. He could feel Ailonwy tense beside him but he ignored it. It’s been a while since he’s been met with such malice and he was itching to have an argument like some sort of masochist for debate over his character. 

Mhairi had taken it and Loghain couldn’t help but break out into a smirk as she snarled at him, "I am not a fan, unlike you I fought bravely for my King."

"Is that so?” he said, raised eyebrow and all. “Well, you must not have been too brave considering you are still standing here with us today." 

Mhairi did not like that and she looked like she was about to lunge at him but Ailonwy stepped between the two of them before she even had the chance. “Uhhh hello? As much as I would hate to interrupt your lovers' quarrel there’s still more darkspawn inside the keep. It would be a shame if Loghain and I were still the only Grey Wardens because everyone died before they could have their Joining.” 

A look of shame crossed Mhairi's face as she bowed, stepping away from the Ex-Teyrn. “My apologies, you are correct, Commander. We should head into the keep." 

Ailonwy eyed Loghain like she was expecting some sort of concession from him but he simply snorted and looked away. He wasn't going to apologize for his actions here nor at Ostagar. Loghain knew that he had made many mistakes, and mistakes were putting it nicely. If he had the chance to go back and change things he would but one thing he would not change was leaving Ostagar. It was a fool’s battle and the fool King who had ordered it had died with it. He wasn’t going to let his troops suffer the same fate and he, despite seeming so cold about what had transpired, knew the names, faces, where they had come from, etc. of all the soldiers that had died at Ostagar that day. She didn't seem to mind, however, as she simply turned away and started walking towards the keep.

They faced more darkspawn inside, the courtyard was swimming with them but they were able to get rid of them with some team effort. Looking past the darkspawn, the keep was absolutely magnificent. When they went inside, Loghain was in somewhat awe of the high vaulted ceilings, well-masoned walls, and finely crafted wooden frame that held everything together. Loghain never bothered to visit Vigil’s Keep, it had been Howe’s home and he had only made the acquaintance with him during the Blight. Part of Loghain had known how sneaky and duplicitous Howe truly was but back then he would have rather taken a chance with Howe than deal with Orlesians on their soil. 

As they finished killing more darkspawn in the great hall, Loghain realized this was going to be a magnificent place for training new Grey Warden recruits. 

‘If we have any to train,’ he thought bitterly as he followed Ailonwy into another hallway, slicing through the darkspawn that flanked them. 

The hallway was now cleared and quiet except for the sound of the clanking of metal that was inevitable when one wore armor and they were about to continue onward until Ailonwy shot out her arm in order to stop them.

Loghain blinked at his Commander who was standing still, her face scrunched up in complete concentration. She wasn’t looking at anything particular and it seemed more like she was trying to hear something out. He was about to ask her what she was doing when she spoke, “there’s one more.” 

She turned down a nearby corridor, rushing at full speed. Loghain, just like Ailonwy, was able to sense darkspawn nearby. It was hard to explain but it was something akin to a sixth sense, it was like he could feel them, in his bones and in his blood, like they had a connection. With time and experience that ability could get honed, you could tell exactly where they were, how many, and what kind. He supposed this was one of the times where Loghain was really reminded how new he still was to this Grey Warden business. Without further pondering he followed Ailonwy, Mhairi and the other soldiers right behind him.

He got there just in time to see Ailonwy kick open a door and they all ran into the room. She suddenly halted to a stop and Loghain would have run into her if he hadn’t stopped in time. He was going to hiss at her, telling her that this was the second time they had collided because of her but he then looked up to see what had given her pause, and the sight was...something. 

It was a mage, a trait that was terribly obvious from the long blue robes that he wore and the flames that were currently blowing from his fingertips towards a genlock that immediately flopped over, burnt to a crisp. The mage was a few inches shorter than Loghain with blonde hair pulled back into a short ponytail and when he turned around to look at who had entered the room, Loghain saw brown eyes widen in surprise.

“Uhhh,” he said looking at them. “I didn’t do it?” 

Surrounding him was a pile of at least ten darkspawn and two templars. Behind him stood a long cell with the door broken open. From the scene itself, you could assume that the templars were there to watch the mage and everything was presumably fine until the darkspawn attacked. 

“Well, didn’t kill the templars,” he had clarified, stepping over the genlock’s body towards the group. “Don’t get me wrong, however, I'm not broken up about them dying. Biff over there, the one with the broken helmet, made the funniest gurgle when he went down and he was the one who said I was going to be squealing like a pig when he was done with me. Ah, the irony.” 

Ailonwy whistled, a wide grin creeping onto her face. Loghain almost flinched, he knew that tone and he looked over at Ailonwy whose eyes were shining while she looked at the mage in wonder and want. He knew that his Commander could be a terrible flirt, but really? Now? Right here? 

“What else can those fingers do?” she asked, batting her long and dark eyelashes. 

Loghain groaned and the roll of his eyes was inevitable. 

The mage raised a blonde eyebrow, scanning her up and down with his brown eyes, a slow smirk formed on his lips when he was done. “For you? Whatever you want them to.”

Ailonwy burst into a fit of giggles as she slowly approached him, palms on her hips but she still clung to her daggers, a necessary precaution.

“Did you kill all those darkspawn on your own?” she asked, gesturing to the pile of corpses behind him. It really was quite impressive. There were a few genlocks, the runts of the darkspawn litter, but there was also a hurlock alpha and an emissary, the stronger and more commanding darkspawn. It was still unsure exactly how much injury the mage had inflicted, but the burn marks on several of them indicated that he had contributed a decent amount. 

“Of course!” he said, pride deep in his voice. “Well, the templars helped before they died but most of the damage was done by me.”

“I am Anders, by the way, my dear lady,” he said with a wink and extended his hand towards Ailonwy. “Mage and wanted apostate - at your service.”

Ailonwy sheathed her weapons and took his hand to shake it but in a terrible cliche fashion, Anders had brought hers up to his lips. Loghain was sure the disgust was etched onto his face but Ailonwy seemed completely amused. 

“A wanted apostate at Vigil’s Keep, who would have guessed,” Loghain spoke, interrupting their introduction. 

Anders pulled away from Ailonwy to look at him properly, and he gave a nod with a smile on his face. “Not many I presume. We were just on our way back to the Circle when those two decided to stop here for a quick rest and now they’re dead. Such a shame really.” 

“Well I don’t care what you are,” Ailonwy said, her voice smooth and her undivided attention on him. “All I know is that you’re good at killing darkspawn which is something we sorely need right now.” 

Anders laughed, “pretty and pragmatic? A striking combination. Listen beautiful, I can help you kill some darkspawn if you want, I like being helpful. Or, you could let me go if you prefer? I promise I won’t do anything bad.” 

Loghain scoffed, his voice dripping in sarcasm, “and I suppose we will just have to take your honorable word for it?” 

“Rightly so!” Anders nodded too exaggeratedly for Loghain’s liking. “Maker, you are just a bright bouncy ball of buoyancy, aren’t you?”

“The cheeriest out of the bunch,” Loghain responded monotonously and Ailonwy stifled a laugh. 

“I like you Anders, so here's the deal. You provide us with more firepower if you catch my drift, and then after all this is over I say that you died during the darkspawn siege. I’ll even throw in some provisions for you.” 

“Is that before or after a night with you?” he asked. 

“That,” Ailonwy spoke, stepping so close to the mage that she was a mere inches away, her eyes flirtatiously looking up into his. 

“Can be any time or place you want.” 

“Commander,” Mhairi spoke, concern completely oozing from her voice. Ailonwy and Anders stepped away from each other from her sudden interruption. Loghain had momentarily forgotten she and the other soldiers were even there. “Do you truly think it’s wise? To take along this apostate?”

“The templars will probably find him anyway,” she said, stepping away from Anders with a wink. 

She turned back around and started to head back from where they had come from but not before stopping in front of Mhairi with a smile on her face that would have seemed innocent but Loghain knew it was her ‘I’m in charge’ smile, the one that said ‘test me if you dare’. 

“But it’s no concern of mine what he does after. Besides, doesn’t he deserve some sort of boon for helping us? And I don’t really care what it is as long as the keep and the rest of you are okay.” 

Mhairi looked like she wanted to say something and Loghain hoped that she would so he could relish in a very rare moment that Ailonwy was intimidating, especially to her comrades. However, the ex-knight seemed to have some sense and she simply nodded at the Commander before she followed her back out in the hall. 

In truth, Loghain didn’t like the idea of having Anders around either, he may have been able to charm Ailonwy but Loghain was not easy to trust and there was never anything good that came from persistent apostates. As if he could read his mind, Anders had given Loghain a sly grin as he followed the others out the door.

Loghain assumed things couldn’t get any worse, but he was proven wrong when they had entered another great hall they had met up with one of Ailonwy’s previous companions, Oghren. The dwarf had been in the middle of a battle with five darkspawn but he seemed to be enjoying himself entirely and he had even thrown Ailonwy an enthusiastic wave (which she returned with as much gusto) before finishing one off. 

When they finished dispatching the other darkspawn the two friends clasped hands in greeting. Ailonwy had been ecstatic to see Oghren again and she had been even more ecstatic to learn that he was planning on joining the Grey Wardens. Loghain wouldn’t admit it but a part of him knew that he wouldn’t have been too upset if the dwarf did not make it through the Joining, especially when the dwarf had greeted him with "if it isn’t my good ol’ bosom buddy!"

Even though Loghain had initially disliked Mhairi, she was becoming the most reasonable person here as she too shared a disdain for Oghren. Loghain had his own reasons but when Oghren had called her the recruit with the “good rack” even Loghain was offended on her behalf. Ailonwy could be crude but Oghren was somehow cruder and Loghain was sure that was a skill in itself. It had been torture when the two of them worked together and even though Loghain had never been truly part of Ailonwy’s group he did share the same disgust that the others held whenever Oghren and Ailonwy got going, Maker forbid Zevran join them. 

They fought their way through several more halls and rooms and both Ailonwy and Loghain had been shocked to find more recruits inside. They had been deep in the keep, in an area that had been reserved as the barracks for them. Some were gravely injured and others were fine and so far only two had passed. The ones that survived were instructed by Ailonwy to help the ones that needed it and to focus their effort on securing the areas that they had already cleared. Loghain didn’t imagine there was going to be this many people willing to join the Grey Wardens but he supposed when one of them ends a Blight and becomes the Hero of Ferelden that’s bound to inspire something in others.

Finally they had finished clearing the keep and had made their way to the roof where they hoped the last of them were.

They had also forgotten Mhairi had mentioned a talking darkspawn.

There, on top of the roof, in the rain, were two darkspawn they looked like hurlocks but with more unique armor than the ones that they were used to seeing. The one that stood proudly in its chainmail and purple cowl turned its head towards them and Loghain’s stomach almost did a flip when a slow smile crept onto its face. The other darkspawn was holding onto a man by his hair who was dressed in soldier’s armor and the creature had a sword to his throat. It was looking at them, daring them to come closer to see what would happen if they did. 

The one who smiled at them then actually spoke, “it’s just as you said Seneschal, there were more coming.” 

Loghain had only been a Grey Warden for almost three months now and never had any of them talked before. They were monsters, mindless beings that only listened to the sound of the Calling that came from the Old Gods that resided in the Archdemons. That was why this was one so strange. Loghain had killed countless darkspawn and none of them had an inkling to suggest they had the ability to have thoughts and actions of their own. At least until this one. 

“Well, slap me and call me a wild sylvan, it actually talks!” Ailonwy yelled, her daggers tight in her hands as she stared at the creature, eyes wide and mouth open. 

“Well let’s shut it up!” Oghren bellowed and it was the first time Loghain actually agreed with the dwarf. 

The talking darkspawn turned to the far end of the roof and suddenly screeched so loud that they had to cover their ears. When it was done absolutely no one was surprised to see more darkspawn creeping out from the shadows like they had been hidden in the cracks. “Capture the Grey Wardens! The others may die!” 

Loghain had his sword out and ready and with a cry, he and the others charged at the darkspawn. He knew that his job as a warrior was to act as a wall, taking out as many foes as he could while protecting his physically weaker comrades. He took to the front lines, using his shield to protect him as he lunged towards a shriek, his blade piercing its side, enough to immobilize it but not enough to kill it. Mhairi was soon beside him, her specialty being a sword and shield as well and she used the opportunity to slice the creature’s head right off. Behind him and Mhairi, Anders’ powerful magic blasted more flames at the incoming darkspawn and they all cried out as the fire burned through their skin. 

Loghain quickly looked to see how Ailonwy was handling the talking one and he almost moved towards her as he watched the darkspawn deliver a blow to her side. It almost knocked her over but she had quickly regained her footing, taking a pause to catch her breath. With its attention on Ailonwy, the talking darkspawn failed to see Oghren coming up from behind him and the dwarf swung at it with his battleaxe slicing through its back but the creature stepped away before the weapon could cut more damage.

“Loghain, was it? A little help!” he whipped his head out to the source of the voice and saw Anders running around the roof, trying to cast magic while several genlocks chased him. The ex-Teyrn rolled his eyes and moved quickly to dispatch one of the genlocks, earning the attention of the two others that had been chasing the mage. One rushed towards him and struck with its blade but Loghain was faster and blocked with his shield, the impact causing him to recoil backward. He was quick to recover, however, and slashed through the monster’s chest and Anders quickly used a shock spell to dispatch the other one. 

“Thank you!” Anders said with a grin, approaching Loghain who simply rolled his eyes. 

A loud cry caught both of their attention and they watched as Ailonwy dug her blades into the talking darkspawn’s neck, piercing its chainmail. Blood poured out of it and the darkspawn looked like it had said something to her before it gurgled, falling down to the ground.

Loghain took a second to regain his breath, scanning the roof for more enemies but it seemed like they had gotten rid of them all. He looked at his comrades and he couldn’t help but feel relieved as none of his current companions were injured. He sheathed his blade and approached Ailonwy who was helping the captured man from the floor. He clutched his side, and Ailownwy moved to support him.

“Thank you, Commander.” he said and Ailonwy shot him a bright smile. 

The next few hours were spent cleaning up the keep and tending to the injured. The man they had rescued was Seneschal Varel. He was in charge of making sure things ran smoothly at the keep such as the administration of servants, making domestic arrangements, and handling the keep’s financial affairs. He had previously been the Seneschal during Howe’s reign but when Rendorn noticed that he had clashed with him on almost everything he had demoted him. He seemed like a kind man who was ready to do his duty and he seemed more than enthused to work with the Grey Wardens. He also seemed to have a strong work ethic as he had sustained a minor injury to his leg that required some healing but even after Ailonwy’s insistence that he rest, he still gave them a brief tour of Vigil’s Keep.

After settling some things with Varel and inspecting the recruits with Ailonwy, Loghain found himself unwinding in the bath in his private quarters. As the warm water touched his aching muscles he almost hissed but eventually, the pain subsided. Loghain groaned as he began to scrub the grime off his body as he thought of the fact that he was getting older and the aches would last longer and come more easily. 

When he was finally cleaned and dressed he wanted to simply fall into bed and sleep the rest of the night away but his parched throat suggested otherwise. He then decided he would get a pitcher of water and a glass from the kitchen and immediately head back to retire for the rest of the evening. He knew they were going to have a busy day tomorrow for they were going to have the Joining to initiate all the new recruits and he felt a slight pang of worry because of it. Although they had a decent amount of soldiers if they all perished during the Joining it would all be for naught. 

The hall was quiet and dimly lit by the torches that were mounted on the wall. Although he had also agreed with Ailonwy that he should have gotten some rest, he was thankful for Seneschal Varel for the brief tour and he made his way effortlessly to the kitchen.

Loghain was surprised to find Ailonwy there this late. Her hair was still wet, the water dripping off the end of her ringlets that he knew once dry would be her wild curls. She was wearing her usual oversized linen shirt that was tucked into brown trousers and she opted to wear no footwear, a typical elf thing. She was currently situated atop one of the wooden tables by one of the kitchen’s large fireplaces as she waited for something to heat in a pot. Next to her lay a few pieces of toast that she must have finished cooking since the kitchen smelled like baked bread. 

She had noticed him enter immediately and Loghain assumed it must have been part her fantastical elven hearing and the other being her honed soldier skills, one had to listen intently to their surroundings if they wanted to survive. As soon as she saw him a huge and genuine smile broke out on her face and he ignored the fluttering feeling that went to his gut. 

“Hello Teyrn! Can’t sleep either?” she asked with a wink, she then patted the surface beside her. “Come! Join me!”

Loghain didn’t say anything as he approached her, his arms crossed as he leaned against the table on the spot right beside her. He could smell the oil that she had used in her bath, a faint scent of lavender and cypress that somehow fit her perfectly. That fragrance was overwhelmed immediately by the bubbling honey in the pot. 

“What are you cooking?” he asked as he watched her reach over to slowly stir it, making sure that it didn’t burn. 

“I don’t really know if it has an official name but my Mama always called it ‘honey toast’ and it’s exactly as its name implies, honey with toast. Well, except for the cinnamon part!”

She then turned to the other side of her and picked up a small bottle labeled ‘cinnamon’ as she showed it to him, grinning ear to ear, holding the bottle like it was something very precious. 

“My Mama only made this for us on special occasions like our birthdays since cinnamon was so hard to find and when you did it was always ridiculously expensive which makes sense since it’s from Seheron. My parents would put a little money aside, saving up to buy it at least once a year. There were five of us in our household so that was five birthdays worth of use and that jar would last us until next year when we would buy it again.” 

“On one of my Mama’s birthdays, my Papa wanted to make it for her but we had run out and the usual merchant we bought it from didn’t make his usual trek to Seheron that year so he stole a little bit from Arl Bryland’s estate, just enough for her birthday. It was the first crime he had ever committed and Mama was so proud of him, she said the honey toast tasted better because of it.”  
Ailonwy stared at the bottle, a small smile on her face and Loghain could tell that her thoughts were elsewhere. “It’s funny how growing up this was like some magical commodity but here it’s just another spice.” 

Loghain often forgot where Ailonwy came from. It was hard to forget that she was an elf, her large ears making sure that absolutely no one forgot. But he did fail to remember that she hailed from the Denerim Alienage, from poverty. Even he hadn’t made the trek there, absolutely no one recommended it because of the rumors of the wild elves that lived there. Thieves, murderers, whores, etc. thrived there and they should be grateful that Denerim was willing to house them. He didn’t believe such base rumors, the same things had been said of Denerim in general. However, he did know one thing that was absolute there which was hated for humans.

Loghain could relate to living in poverty, for most of his life he had lived as a farmer’s son and then as a nomadic poacher. He didn’t grow up in luxury but when he became a Teyrn he was suddenly thrown into a different and lavish life. Whatever he wanted was immediately presented to him whether it be food, clothes, or other goods. It wasn’t that he had forgotten his upbringing but he was now used to living a nobleman’s lifestyle as well.

Owning this keep, being an Arlessa, was Ailonwy’s gateway into a nobleman’s world, something that she never had nor even seen. Once again the feeling to ask her more about her upbringing gnawed at the back of Loghain’s mind but he immediately pushed it away. 

He watched as Ailonwy removed the pot from the fire and began to pour it over the toast, the honey oozing out. Once the bread was completely coated she set the pot aside and began sprinkling some of the cinnamon on top. It looked simple but sweet and he watched as Ailonwy picked up a piece, the honey dripping off onto the table and her fingers as she took a bite. 

“Creators, it’s just as I remembered,” she said with such delight, practically moaning. “Here! Try some!” 

She suddenly shoved the piece of toast in his face and Loghain grumbled but took a bite from where she had. Ailonwy had made it clear earlier in their relationship that she didn’t mind sharing her germs and he had gotten used to it as well. The honey had completely overwhelmed his senses and it had reminded him of molasses, sticky, thick and sweet and he barely managed to swallow it down. The cinnamon did give it a good flavor though. 

“It’s sweet,” he said lamely. 

Ailonwy laughed. “Of course it is! It was honestly for us kids more than anything, something sweet for a special occasion.” 

Without warning she swiped her thumb over his lip, grabbing some leftover honey before she brought it to her mouth to suck it off. She locked eyes with him, her dark brown eyes sparkling with desire as she stared at his pale blue ones as if she was unspokenly challenging him to do something, anything. It was that same inviting look she had given him that night at Ostagar across the war table while they stood next to Cailan and Duncan like she had absolutely no shame. A few minutes later they had been stumbling into his tent, hands in each other's hair, their mouths heatedly pressed together. 

Maker's breath! He swore not to think of that night. That simple action had caused something to stir inside of him and he almost let it. Loghain took a few seconds to regain control of himself, his expression hardening as he simply rolled his eyes and turned away from her. 

Ailonwy didn’t seem bothered by it at all and she merely finished the piece of toast, licking the rest of the honey and cinnamon off her fingers. 

Loghain tried to will himself to get his water pitcher and leave but he found himself rooted there and he simply sat in silence with Ailonwy while she ate her dessert. 

“What was the occasion?” he asked finally. 

Ailonwy tilted her head in silent questioning, a half-eaten toast in her hand. 

“For the honey toast.”

“Oh! Well, as a commemoration I guess. For my first night at the keep, as an Arlessa and a Warden-Commander.” She finished her honey toast and moved to hold onto the wooden table as she began to swing her legs, her focus on her toes. “Or… more so a consolation."

She then turned her attention to him and Loghain couldn’t help but look into her eyes again seeing how serious she was now. “One of the new recruits passed. His name was Oswin, he said he had been there at Denerim when we charged against the Archdemon. We had saved him and his family from some darkspawn in the marketplace and when the Blight was over the first thing he did was sign up for the Grey Wardens. He was only seventeen, a few years younger than me and when he died he said ‘it was an honor to meet you, Commander.’" 

She looked away from him now, back at her toes. 

"An honor," she scoffed, a bitter smile on her face. "An honor to what? Die because I had failed to get here in time? I wanted to cry, to mourn him, but Seneschal Varel pulled me away and you know what he began talking about? About how I would have to meet with a few nobles and other ‘important’ people tomorrow. Someone just died for me and then I have to move on? Just like that? How did it not move him? Not shake him to his very core that someone had died - for me." 

“I’m scared,” she said quietly and if Loghain hadn’t been listening intently he wouldn’t have heard it. 

“I’m scared to be Warden-Commander. It was definitely easier when it was just the two of us - Creators it was even easier when we had a group - but now that I’ll be commanding a whole order I don’t know if I can do it. One person died and I already feel awful, like I had failed them. On top of everything I also have to be an Arlessa? I know absolutely nothing about politics let alone running an entire arling. And I’m an elf! A bloody elf! No one is going to want to listen to an elf, I think I’m actually the first elf in history to even be an Arlessa!”

This had been the most stressed he had ever seen Ailonwy. Usually she was able to keep cool despite everything, at least what he’s seen so far. Even when it was the night before the battle with the Archdemon she was still composed, acting as if nothing, not even the fate of Ferelden, had bothered her. He wondered what made this so different. Maybe it was the fact that if she did fail as a Commander and an Arlessa there would be no darkspawn to immediately finish her off, she would have to live with her mistakes for the rest of her life. 

“Sometimes I wish I could go back,” she mumbled, fingering the table in thought as a deep frown set on her face. “I wish I could go back to being a simple elven girl from her Alienage where the only worries she had was how she was going to be able to afford to buy some cinnamon.” 

Loghain took a deep sigh and he settled himself more into the table, his back firmly pressed against the edge as he looked into the still-burning fire. He took a few minutes to think and gather his thoughts before he slowly and hesitantly placed a hand comfortingly on her knee, earning him a surprised and curious look from Ailonwy. 

"I felt the same way once. I did not want to be a Teyrn, I had thought that was Maric's way of repaying me for my service, providing me land and a title. I told him I did not want it. I abhorred the idea, I was not from noble birth. My father was a farmer, his father was a farmer, and all so on and so forth, the people of Gwaren were not going to listen to a freeholder."

Loghain looked at her, a solemn expression on his face. “Do you know what he told me? He said that they needed me. It was one of the best laughs I ever had and when he said that he was serious I told him that he was absolutely daft to his face. However, Maric explained they had seen so much cruelty from the Orlesians, from the nobles, that they needed someone to rule them who would understand them and their plight. When I became Teyrn I was able to comprehend issues that no ordinary noble would have. My wife, Celia, had been a cabinet maker which was certainly no noble pedigree but together we were able to repair Gwaren into the teyrinir it is today. The issues that we faced were things only other freeholders would have understood and it was then that I realized why Maric had made me a Teyrn." 

"Ailonwy, you didn’t get appointed as a reward or as payment for defeating the Blight. You were made Commander, made Arlessa, because people believed that you could do it, that you could be trusted with their lives. You will lose some, such as Oswin, they will die in your arms and you will have to bear the weight of it but you are Fereldan, a Grey Warden, you care for your people and all your decisions you will try to do so for the best, even if some lives are lost along the way. It will be difficult and challenging and at times you'll wish they chose another. However, the people, Alistair, Anora, and even I believe you. There is no one else suited to be Arlessa of Amaranthine and Warden-Commander of Ferelden more than you." 

He hadn’t realized how close they had gotten, he could see the pores on her face and he immediately pulled away from her, scowling as he crossed his arms and looked ahead, anywhere except her. In the corner of his eye, however, he could see Ailonwy smiling softly. 

He felt a shove suddenly as Ailonwy playfully punched him. "Are you just naturally this wise?” 

Loghain scoffed, shoving her back and she laughed as she almost toppled off the table. "No one comes with wisdom, you experience it, live it."

"So you know so much because you're so old?” she asked, eyes twinkling. 

Loghain rolled his eyes and reached for another honey toast, taking a bite and he suddenly found himself feeling very content. “Thank you Ailonwy, what a nice gesture of you to insult a man after he’s tried to console you.” 

Ailonwy stared at him, a soft smile on her face and he wondered if there was a hint of red on her cheeks or if it was just the lighting from the fire. “I like you, Loghain.” 

Loghain snorted, but there was a slight quirk of his lip. “And I can sometimes tolerate you, Ailonwy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this is weird, but I have ?? A spotify playlist for this fic? LOL so I just wanted to share ♥
> 
> also I have a horrible habit of making hella long chapters so maybe I'll break up the future ones but we'll see :O
> 
> "open.spotify.com/playlist/74VCiyp4uSKnFhzRW78coP?si=h4HMtfB5Sx2kjbaJCGUjHw"


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